Bad, Bad Heather Mills

It takes a lot of balls to accuse a world icon of abuse. No, I don't know Paul McCartney personally... I wish we were good buds. I would call him up and say;

Me: Hi Paul my friend. How are you?
PM: Good. It is so amazing to hear from you. It has been so long! Have you heard about all of the shit that crazy one legged woman is saying about me?
Me: You know the American newspapers, I have read bits and pieces but I have also read some of the London rags to get the "real scoop." In other words... that's why I'm phoning, I want to know what is going on across the pond.
PM: She just sees me as a human bank. I don't think that she loved me to begin with. No one else would have her, I was still reeling from the death of my lifes love Linda and fell into the black widow's web.
Me: Your children told you she was no good and to stay away from her.
PM: I know, I know. But I was lonely.
Me: Heather wanted a baby and a bank account and she saw both in you. I also think that she heard about Anna Nicole and figured that was a pretty sweet deal... not that you are quite as old as ole Mr. Whatshisname.
PM: I am the "fool on the hill" ... jokes on me.
Me: Paul, you know that I was in 2 very abusive relationships and you do not have the characteristics of an abuser. Also, Linda never said anything about you popping her upside the head, or pushing her into a bathtub when she was pregnant... oh and I love the knife in the belly. You don't become an abuser when you are well into your 60s when you weren't one in the 1960s.
PM: You and I know the truth but do you think that the rest of the world and my fans believe what the peg leg is saying?
Me: I don't think that anyone believes that Sir Paul would lift a finger to a woman, don't you worry your pretty little head. Her true colors are coming out as are her original intentions. You are loved and adored by millions of people and she is detested by millions.
PM: I don't want hate and anger to come out of this just Love Love Love only not with her.
Me: I know, and it will all turn out okay. It would be nice if the court would give her child support only. I think that this is all she has coming to her. You are a good and decent man. I gotta run, work is waiting. I don't have some wonderful man I can tell lot's of lies about and screw over for millions of pounds or dollars. Hugs and kisses to all.
PM: Thank you for calling. Come to visit anytime, we miss you. TaTa.