According to the dictionary - Family; " A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children." I believe that it also includes the spouses, if the children are married as well as their children... but my dictionary does not include that part.
I have been reading the blog of a "family" member, I have posted comments so she should be aware that I am reading it, yet we are excluded from this blog when discussion of family arises frankly we (my parents and my little family unit) are totally excluded period. Their is discussion about the blogger's sisters and that side of the family but this side is MIA. I guess that it is difficult to write about someone when you don't talk to them and know nothing about what is going on in their lives, all the good, bad and ugly.
I find it ironic that there are numerous posts made about telling people how you feel about them when they are alive yet they seem unable to find time to communicate with us, my brother and I talk frequently but that is where it begins and ends.
There was a recent post about attending someones funeral service and comments about a video slide show and choice of music (country music versus hymns) the comment was made "why didn't these people tell ___ these things while she was still alive" who is to say that they didn't tell this person how much she was loved when she was living and that they opted to make a public proclamation of their love for her. As for a choice in music, it is my feeling that a funeral should reflect the type of life that a person led, the things they enjoyed in life. Most people don't do this, they follow the status quo and have the traditional church songs, sermon, prayer, eulogy with no personal touches of the deceased at all. You walk away from that service feeling as if there has been no closure or thought put into the service. Wait until they attend my funeral service, actually there will not be a service only a memorial with catered B-B-Que from my favorite place, my ashes will be in an antique cookie tin, the only hymn type song will be Amazing Grace played on bagpipes with the rest of the music being Cd's I have made up of my favorite musicians from Austin, Texas all singing the blues. I want a celebration of my life not sadness and sorrow.
I love these family members with all my heart and soul, some day we will be all that we have as far as family when my parents pass on. Yet I read this blog and get a sense of hypocrisy, passing judgement and insincerity. Could this be because the page is loaded with Christian logos, Christian rhetoric, the type of Christian lifestyle they live, etc.
To me family is family warts and all. You love them, you express that love, you spend time together when possible, talk often to stay up on how everyone; especially the kids are doing. You embrace what you have because it could be taken from you in a heartbeat.
I guess that I felt the need to comment on this today because I just found out that a dear friends former daughter-in-law had passed away a few days ago leaving behind a 6 year-old son, a sister (who she was at odds with), 2 nephews and her mother (who lost her husband 2 years ago.) They aren't sure why she died at the age of 39 but believe that based on her history she died of a drug overdose. My friend maintained contact with her ex daughter-in-law primarily due to their grandson but she also was concerned about her substance abuse problem and we had made several attempts at getting her into treatment. They failed of course and we feel that it was because we did not have the support of her sister and mother. Her sister was not talking to her and her mom was in denial.
Her son will now grow up without his mom, yes he still has his Dad and will probably move in with him now but he will never get his mom back. Both sides of the family and all members of this family will play a role in raising this little boy, as it should be under such tragic circumstances.
It is usually a tragedy that makes people reflect on what they could have done differently. I guess I have seen enough tragedy and death in my years on this earth that I take nothing and no one for granted anymore and it saddens me when I see someone who has yet to learn that life lesson and probably won't until it is too late.
Labels: death, extended family, family, love, what is family
