My husband just slammed out of the house, we never fight. In 21 years of marriage we may have had a dozen arguments and what might be considered fights.
He is angry and very upset over the incident with his sister but the 5 surviving siblings (he is the oldest) are causing him great heartache now.
All new information we have received about my sister-in-laws suicide has come from the TV news, not from the sister's that were at the hospital. This was upsetting to us both and to my youngest daughter. I finally called one of the sister's and spoke to her husband, who didn't have any information to offer up about arrangements, etc. But he did say that they have all spent their day at the deceased sister's house taking her possessions. And taking the animals to the pound.
I had made it clear last night that I would take the dog, he is an older dog and probably not adoptable from the pound so now I will have to track him down and buy him back. This hurts, I guess that they would rather have the dog put down than let us have him.... for whatever sense that makes.
My husband is upset that he has been excluded from any decision making and I think being a part of the group family grieving process. They did this when both of their parent's passed away too, they all got together and made the plans then told us when and where and OH.... we need $500 to help pay for all of this.
I made it clear that this time we are not ponying up any money to pay for anything when we were not a part of the decision making process. And out the door he went. She did have life insurance but the suicide made it null and void.
They are also having a memorial service at a church, the same church that brought her problems to the forefront 3 years ago. She went to church with me, I don't know why they don't have the service at the church where she felt welcome and comfortable. I guess that they may not know that she and I went to church together and by excluding my husband from their planning.... they will never know.
I guess that these things are to make the living feel better, comfort them but you would think that all living parties would be included in the decision making. Why exclude the eldest living member of the family? He is a nice, sensible, responsible person. When he hurts, I hurt and these folks have hurt us both for many years.
The one sister that has taken it upon herself to handle the arrangements and all details is on medication for clinical depression. Is it in her best interest to be doing this alone? Is she capable of making the best possible decisions?Is she going to be next?
We still haven't called our daughter that is getting ready to be shipped to Iraq. She is currently in training in California or she might be in Mississippi by now. I told my husband that she needs to know about this as she will be angry if she isn't informed. She needs to have the option of coming home for the service if she wants to. Withholding this information will not do her any good.
I have a concern about a situation my mother found herself in as the only surviving close relative when my uncle passed away a few years ago. He had no money other than his Soc. Sec. check. My brother made the cremation arrangements and had his cremains shipped up to us. The bill was paid in full. Then about a month later I start getting calls from creditors wanting money, one of which was the funeral home. I explained that I was just his niece and should not be responsible for anything. They then started calling my mother, debt collector's started harassing her and we found out that in some instances in the case of death without a will, any unpaid bills fall to the oldest surviving blood relative. In the case of my sister-in-law, that would be my husband. Mom told them to take a hike that she wasn't paying his bills and after several years they did quite calling and writing but it was horrible.
My husband is well aware of this situation and has some concerns about it too especially since he has no involvement in decision making or bill paying. Hopefully, the brainiacs in charge have heard of probate and will get this into probate so the court can appoint someone to deal with everything.
I guess the best thing to do is keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself, something I am not good at but for the sake of family peace and harmony I will do it.
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