What is Family?

According to the dictionary - Family; " A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children." I believe that it also includes the spouses, if the children are married as well as their children... but my dictionary does not include that part.

I have been reading the blog of a "family" member, I have posted comments so she should be aware that I am reading it, yet we are excluded from this blog when discussion of family arises frankly we (my parents and my little family unit) are totally excluded period. Their is discussion about the blogger's sisters and that side of the family but this side is MIA. I guess that it is difficult to write about someone when you don't talk to them and know nothing about what is going on in their lives, all the good, bad and ugly.

I find it ironic that there are numerous posts made about telling people how you feel about them when they are alive yet they seem unable to find time to communicate with us, my brother and I talk frequently but that is where it begins and ends.

There was a recent post about attending someones funeral service and comments about a video slide show and choice of music (country music versus hymns) the comment was made "why didn't these people tell ___ these things while she was still alive" who is to say that they didn't tell this person how much she was loved when she was living and that they opted to make a public proclamation of their love for her. As for a choice in music, it is my feeling that a funeral should reflect the type of life that a person led, the things they enjoyed in life. Most people don't do this, they follow the status quo and have the traditional church songs, sermon, prayer, eulogy with no personal touches of the deceased at all. You walk away from that service feeling as if there has been no closure or thought put into the service. Wait until they attend my funeral service, actually there will not be a service only a memorial with catered B-B-Que from my favorite place, my ashes will be in an antique cookie tin, the only hymn type song will be Amazing Grace played on bagpipes with the rest of the music being Cd's I have made up of my favorite musicians from Austin, Texas all singing the blues. I want a celebration of my life not sadness and sorrow.

I love these family members with all my heart and soul, some day we will be all that we have as far as family when my parents pass on. Yet I read this blog and get a sense of hypocrisy, passing judgement and insincerity. Could this be because the page is loaded with Christian logos, Christian rhetoric, the type of Christian lifestyle they live, etc.

To me family is family warts and all. You love them, you express that love, you spend time together when possible, talk often to stay up on how everyone; especially the kids are doing. You embrace what you have because it could be taken from you in a heartbeat.

I guess that I felt the need to comment on this today because I just found out that a dear friends former daughter-in-law had passed away a few days ago leaving behind a 6 year-old son, a sister (who she was at odds with), 2 nephews and her mother (who lost her husband 2 years ago.) They aren't sure why she died at the age of 39 but believe that based on her history she died of a drug overdose. My friend maintained contact with her ex daughter-in-law primarily due to their grandson but she also was concerned about her substance abuse problem and we had made several attempts at getting her into treatment. They failed of course and we feel that it was because we did not have the support of her sister and mother. Her sister was not talking to her and her mom was in denial.

Her son will now grow up without his mom, yes he still has his Dad and will probably move in with him now but he will never get his mom back. Both sides of the family and all members of this family will play a role in raising this little boy, as it should be under such tragic circumstances.

It is usually a tragedy that makes people reflect on what they could have done differently. I guess I have seen enough tragedy and death in my years on this earth that I take nothing and no one for granted anymore and it saddens me when I see someone who has yet to learn that life lesson and probably won't until it is too late.

What Is Up With Religion????

I am troubled, I really can't go into much detail about the depth of my worries over two different family members and how religion has affected them in different ways. Neither of them I think are healthy.

The youngest family member was a normal 18 year-old boy until 4 months ago, then something happened. His father has been a weird fundamentalist preacher for about 3 years "preaching" hate, exclusion and other very offensive "theologies." Of course all come from the Bible, according to him. It is that selective Bible reading crap.

This young person has now picked up on some of these "teachings" but he has become obsessed with the "sins" of America. He feels that he, and he alone, must right all the wrongs in the U.S. My biggest fear is that he will find out that he cannot right all the wrongs, become more depressed than he is and harm himself. You read this child's myspace page and it is frightening. He is setting himself up for failure.

I have tried discussing this with his parent's but I am a heathen, according to them, and don't know what I am talking about. they don't care that I worked with teens for over 15 years, I have training in suicide and suicide prevention.

To the older family member who has been traumatized by religion... she is doing her second stint in a psychiatric hospital. A couple of years ago at a religious retreat she was "counseled" by someone not trained in counseling and supposedly trauma from her childhood surfaced. They had to take her from the retreat to the hospital. She has had numerous suicide attempts since then, in patient and out patient treatment. The odd thing is... this church that held the retreat and one she had been a member of for years, has not made contact or inquired about her since.

We know very little about what happened at the retreat but the person doing the counseling did tell me that since she, the family member, was homosexual, he was trying to let her know that it was a sin and that she was damned to hell if she did not change her ways. She is an abomination. Excuse f****ing me?!?!?

I have a very hard time with this selective religious teaching. What does it say about those who hate others for who or what they are? I am very pro-choice but this does not make me a bad person but those who bomb and kill in the name of pro-life are what.... living by the Bible?

The Bible cannot be taken literally, noted theologians agree on this. But it does tell us to live with compassion, love, kindness and goodness in our hearts. yet I see the opposite and I see it ruining good people, killing wonderful people.

I don't want to debate this. I don't want your preaching. I am very frustrated by what is happening to people I love and care for and common sense is not prevailing.