My Soul Aches

My husband just slammed out of the house, we never fight. In 21 years of marriage we may have had a dozen arguments and what might be considered fights.

He is angry and very upset over the incident with his sister but the 5 surviving siblings (he is the oldest) are causing him great heartache now.

All new information we have received about my sister-in-laws suicide has come from the TV news, not from the sister's that were at the hospital. This was upsetting to us both and to my youngest daughter. I finally called one of the sister's and spoke to her husband, who didn't have any information to offer up about arrangements, etc. But he did say that they have all spent their day at the deceased sister's house taking her possessions. And taking the animals to the pound.

I had made it clear last night that I would take the dog, he is an older dog and probably not adoptable from the pound so now I will have to track him down and buy him back. This hurts, I guess that they would rather have the dog put down than let us have him.... for whatever sense that makes.

My husband is upset that he has been excluded from any decision making and I think being a part of the group family grieving process. They did this when both of their parent's passed away too, they all got together and made the plans then told us when and where and OH.... we need $500 to help pay for all of this.

I made it clear that this time we are not ponying up any money to pay for anything when we were not a part of the decision making process. And out the door he went. She did have life insurance but the suicide made it null and void.

They are also having a memorial service at a church, the same church that brought her problems to the forefront 3 years ago. She went to church with me, I don't know why they don't have the service at the church where she felt welcome and comfortable. I guess that they may not know that she and I went to church together and by excluding my husband from their planning.... they will never know.

I guess that these things are to make the living feel better, comfort them but you would think that all living parties would be included in the decision making. Why exclude the eldest living member of the family? He is a nice, sensible, responsible person. When he hurts, I hurt and these folks have hurt us both for many years.

The one sister that has taken it upon herself to handle the arrangements and all details is on medication for clinical depression. Is it in her best interest to be doing this alone? Is she capable of making the best possible decisions?Is she going to be next?

We still haven't called our daughter that is getting ready to be shipped to Iraq. She is currently in training in California or she might be in Mississippi by now. I told my husband that she needs to know about this as she will be angry if she isn't informed. She needs to have the option of coming home for the service if she wants to. Withholding this information will not do her any good.

I have a concern about a situation my mother found herself in as the only surviving close relative when my uncle passed away a few years ago. He had no money other than his Soc. Sec. check. My brother made the cremation arrangements and had his cremains shipped up to us. The bill was paid in full. Then about a month later I start getting calls from creditors wanting money, one of which was the funeral home. I explained that I was just his niece and should not be responsible for anything. They then started calling my mother, debt collector's started harassing her and we found out that in some instances in the case of death without a will, any unpaid bills fall to the oldest surviving blood relative. In the case of my sister-in-law, that would be my husband. Mom told them to take a hike that she wasn't paying his bills and after several years they did quite calling and writing but it was horrible.

My husband is well aware of this situation and has some concerns about it too especially since he has no involvement in decision making or bill paying. Hopefully, the brainiacs in charge have heard of probate and will get this into probate so the court can appoint someone to deal with everything.

I guess the best thing to do is keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself, something I am not good at but for the sake of family peace and harmony I will do it.

My Sister-In-Law Killed Herself Tonight

Life is so fragile. You never know what demons a person carries around inside their head and heart.

My sister-in-law is my age and she has had suicidal tendencies for about 3 years now. We know what jump started all of this, an unskilled person trying to 'counsel' her on her 'evil homosexual' ways at a church retreat she went on with one of her sisters.

She has been in and out of hospitals but she would not take her medication or follow-up with out patient treatment. About once a month she would make an attempt on her life but this time she meant business.

She lit herself on fire in her car sitting in the parking lot at her job.

I cannot imagine the emotional pain that a person has to be feeling in order to do something this drastic. She had also undergone several pretty severe stress factors recently that had me concerned for her mental health.

With her first hospitalization her brother's and sister's were told that someone needed to get a medical power of attorney... out of 6 people not one took the initiative because they did not want to make her mad. I offered, but since I am 'only' an in-law the family decided that I did not need to have that responsibility.

Would that have changed anything? I would like to think that she would have been hospitalized for longer than a week at a time and quite possibly would have received the treatment that would have made a difference in her quality of life.

I want to cry and feel sorry but I know now that she is at peace with herself. Plus I have to save my energy for dealing with the 'emotional sister' the one that can't handle day to day upset in her life, now I fear for her mental health. She at least has a husband and older children to help keep her on her feet.

PLEASE, if you have a loved one that is screaming for help the way my sister-in-law did for several years, get a medical power of attorney so that you or someone else is in charge of their medical care and if you notice them slipping into an abyss you can have them put into a facility or hospital. Let them get angry with you.... this just might save their life.

My Daughter is Going to Iraq

I have been in a bad funk for a couple of months. We found out that my step-daughter is going to Iraq this summer.

She was supposed to go last year but "she wasn't ready" according to her CO. but now she is going ready or not.

She will be in some sort of special advanced recon unit, she will be going out looking for those "we" are trying to knock off. I am scared to death for her and ever since she told us about this I have had a hole in my stomach and my heart.

It is somewhat of a soap opera like story but we did not know that she even existed until 7 years ago. Her mother never told my husband that she had a baby and 'mom' would never tell the daughter who her father was, or who she suspected the father was.

Then one day out of the blue my husband gets a phone call from a young lady "looking for her father." FYI.... she was conceived and born about 8 years before we met and married.

We did the DNA testing and yes, she is my husband's daughter. They look just alike. We accepted her with open arms and have done everything to make her feel like one of us. When she was 12 and being abused by her step-father, she was sent to live with her grandparent's. By this time my hubby and I were married and my daughter is only a few months younger than she is so it would have been a perfect situation for her to come live with us, but..... we didn't know she existed and well, it is what it is. We have her in our lives now and I want to keep it that way.

The "Privileged" Can Kiss My Poor Ass

I have had it with the privileged folks getting off with not even a slap on the wrist. If ole Paris goes to jail I will be shocked and amazed, the powers that be will find someway to keep her skinny ass out of jail just because of who she is even though I do admire the judge for making the initial gesture of tossing her in the poky.

I have been a child support advocate for 20+ years and recently came across the following article on the ACES leaders board.

Deadbeat ex-judge gets break in court
BY NANCIE L. KATZ DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Monday, May 7th 2007,NY Daily News

"A Manhattan judge dropped her arrest warrant last week against a deadbeat dad who owes $250,000 in child support because the father - a former judge himself - said he was poor and depressed.

Justice Joan Lobis' decision, just a month after approving the warrant, enraged the ex-wife of disgraced former jurist Reynold Mason. "There is no justice! There are no laws!" fumed Tessa Abrams Mason, who has had to raise three kids without her ex-husband's help and now faces eviction from her Long Island home. "He knows how to work the system, and she's letting him do it. She's failing my kids."Lobis refused to explain her actions to the Daily News.

Mason, now a real estate agent in Georgia, said in court papers that he had declared bankruptcy and become depressed after he was kicked off the bench in 2003 for dipping into a legal client's escrow account. "All of my resources and energy were given to coping with the shock of the life-altering events swirling around me," Mason whined. He claimed he earned $68,000 over two years selling real estate - far less than his $136,700 annual salary as the first Caribbean-born state Supreme Court justice. That prompted Lobis to revoke the warrant Wednesday, ordering him instead to post $150,000 bond.

Lobis was far more harsh the following day - ordering sheriffs to her courtroom in an unrelated case to arrest a mom who owed $5,000 in child support. The woman dodged jail by borrowing the cash."

You know what, I would be depressed too if I screwed my kids over as badly as this man did and I hope that he ends up in jail one way or the other.

As for the Hilton chick, she is in her upper 20s and needs a wake-up call. She doesn't read her own mail when she knows that important papers might just be on their way to her?!?!? Come on, even if she doesn't read her mail I don't believe for a second that her wrangler's did not inform her that she was not supposed to be driving. I feel pretty sure that she was instructed of this in court and / or by her lawyer.

If any of us normal folk were to do what she did we would be under the jail. What an ignorant impossible fool. Both of them.

Tornado Season in Kansas

If you don't live in "Tornado Alley" you have no clue as to how scary it can be and the total devastation wrought upon an area if it is hit by an F3, F4 or God forbid F5 tornado.

Recently, Greensburg, Kansas was destroyed, and I do mean wiped out by a massive tornado. We don't get a weeks notice as to when a tornado is going to hit. If you are lucky you get about 15 minutes notice and then WHACK it is on top of you.

Sure, they sound sirens and the newscaster's are following the route but no one knows for sure where it will hit or how big it will be. Sure, they have a general idea of where it is tracking but where that sucker drops down out of the sky is a surprise to everyone.

I'm a chicken so the second they sound the alarms, I have my purse and dogs and I am down in the basement. We keep water, a first-aid kit and some canned goods down down there just in case the walls fall in and we are stuck for a few days.

But the kicker is.... you don't hear all the wailing, bitching and complaining like you did with Hurricane Katrina. Oprah doesn't rush in with the NFL and all the other $$ people to rebuild and wipe tears. We are on our own except for each other. And we manage to get the job done.

A couple of years ago a youth group I volunteered with sent about 50 boxes of books to a town whose library had been destroyed, along with most of the town.

In Greensburg not just a portion of the town was destroyed... it was the entire town. People are still unaccounted for. And this will happen in several other towns up and down Hurricane Alley each season. Also, to make things worse right now we are also under flood conditions. My backyard is a swamp but that goes back to a city engineering issue as well as the torrents of relentless rain we have had.

So tonight before you go to sleep please say a little prayer for those in Greensburg, Kansas and all the other towns that have been destroyed by these terrors of the sky.

Oh, and please toss in a prayer for those of use having to fill sandbags to keep our homes from washing away due to the deluge of rain.

Someone has pissed off Mother Nature and her wrath is hitting us all hard.

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